Where a Kid Can Be a Kid

Zealand and I went to Toys 'R' Us today to escape the rain and play. We were walking around together (very relaxing, actually, to be in the midst of the chaos of the holiday season and not planning on buying ANYthing!) and a lady in her 60's approached us. She asked how old Zea was and I said 22 months.
I saw in her cart a bunch of toys for about Zealand's age and said, "looks like you are buying for about this age." She said her grandson was 3 and opened right up and told me that he had lost 3 limbs to meningococcal disease (aka Meningitis). She was trying to find some toys he could use with only one hand and not get frustrated and I think was hoping that she would be able to ask what exactly a 3 year old would normally like. She moved on but I said that I would think about what toys would be appropriate as I had worked in a preschool before having my son. We parted ways and I got to thinking...

A kid with 1 arm. That's it. That's tough.

I didn't think I would see her again, but she found me in the books. More information: this boy is the youngest of 5 kids, he only has 3 fingers on the only arm he has, he needs a lung transplant among other things, and this all JUST happened. Poor kid and poor parents. I can't even imagine! I gave her a few more ideas and we parted ways again. I came up with a few more ideas for him - more along the lines of psychological development. I figured that this kid would feel powerless for a while and frustrated with his inability to do things that he was previously able to do. Remote controlled toys and magnets might do the trick. Grandpa was there too and he was a little less concerned about what the kid might not be able to do but more about what he would have to learn how to do. I liked both of their perspectives. Yes it's sad, but everyone is going to need to get over it.


What do we dwell on that we need to just get over? How many of us say we can't do something that really, we can, we are just afraid to?
Also, what abilities do we take away from our kids because WE think they cant do it? What powers could they have if we gave them the opportunity?

Imagi-cycles

So, Zealand has been exercising his imagination a lot lately.
A couple of my favorites:

Any book that has a motorcycle in it he will open to that page, pinch at it like he wants to pull it off the page and when he realizes it is not coming off, will open the book all the way, straddle it and "brrrm" around the house on it. I don't deprive my son of the love of his life as the next story shows...

He has a very special blue motorcycle that has been lost about 4 times in the one week we have had it. It is small, about the size of a mans palm. He likes to hold onto the mini handlebars, hover about a foot over it and "brrrm" around the house. Quite often, he will toss the beloved toy to the side and throw himself down on the ground and say "Mama, mama" until I look at him. I look at him laying on his side with his leg and arm in the air and ask what happened... "Boom," he says. He expects a response from me every time: "Oh no! You fell off!" He nods, pats his head ("But I had a helmet!") and does it again.



Rinse, lather, repeat.

Just go to sleep!

I have been having to listen to my 21 month old call "mama, mama, mama" or "dada, dada, dada" for 20 minutes before he goes to sleep for about 2 weeks now. Tonight, before putting him in bed, I had this conversation with him: "Zealand. I love you. Daddy loves you. But when we put you in your bed, it is sleeping time. Tonight, when we put you in your bed, I want you to cuddle with Blue, close your eyes and go to sleep. No calling for mom. No calling for dad. You need to go to sleep."

We walked out of the room and closed the door.
Its been quiet for 38 minutes and counting. Why didn't I have that conversation way earlier???

Eh-steem Train

I've always stuggled with self-esteem issues. But, in case you were wondering, this post is not about self-esteem. Its about best friends.

I have two of them. One lives far away, the other lives close. I know they both know about each other and they are both friends to each other. It's awesome actually - I know they both care for each other, so most times I speak with the one that is far away or get together with the one that is close, they ask about the other one. Sometimes, though, I go a week or more not seeing or speaking with either one of these people and thats when the self-esteem drops.

But then, I see a FB post from one that she is going to go out with her "bestie".

And then, one of them calls and leaves a message that goes something like this: "Hey. I keep having to leave messages and you'd think that when a best friend calls, she wouldn't have to keep leaving messages for her best friend and that her best friend would fulfill her duties as a best friend and just call her best friend back. Anyway, I miss you, I love you and call me."




I love my friends.





Do your friends know that you love them??

Inspiration Collision

So, I was just inspired by a friend to blog again. She said something like, "So many funny things happen to you, you should keep a blog!" I thought, "I do have a blog, but I haven't written in it for a while." Another certain person used to ask me for more blogs and I just ignored her requests because I felt like there was really nothing to say.

Well, as I tried to write a succinct Facebook status, I realized this: facebook statuses are really good for things that are something less than about 20 words. Beyond that, they become rants. Blogs. Maybe they are actually mini blogs.

The mini blog I tried to status today was going to be something like, "April Barratt wants her car back. We were backed into on a highway (yes a 55 mph state highway) by some lady. But wait, it gets better. She backed into us with her horse trailer. She never called in to make a claim and now we are trying to get our Trooper fixed. I just got off the phone with her insurance agent who blew me off and treated me like I was 10. Now *I* have to call the claims people??"

Wow. Thats 81 words. Thats more than a mini blog.

G-U-double I-L-T

Why is it so dang controlling??
I know we have to overcome it and not let it get the best of us. I know you can't hang onto the past... Hakuna Matata, right?
But, dang... it really can get the best of a person.


Guilt is why I want another baby.



Im not ready because they are so cute or because I want my children to be 21 months apart or because I am ready for one.
I want another baby so I can do the nursing thing over.
I started nursing Zealand at 5 days (whole 'nother story) and stopped at 7 months ('nother whole story). Every time I see a nursing mother with her child that is around Zea's age, I have this terrible, strong jab of guilt that I will be making yet another bottle of formula for my guy. Every scoop of powder sends me deeper into it, too. I shake it up, cringing at the idea of him drinking this chalky stuff, knowing it is mass produced with all sorts of junk in it that breast milk doesnt have.

We did our best, yes, but I still feel awful.

Even more so when I hear other mothers (not knowing what our circumstance was) say how beautiful breast feeding is, how natural, how serene. They say how bad formula is, "How could your knowingly put that stuff into your baby's body?"

I am not trying to kill my son by giving him formula. I am not trying to make his immune system weaker. I don't want his IQ to be lower. I am so lucky formula was invented.
We don't live in small, tight-knit communities where other mothers can help out with feeding if Mother A can't produce.




I guess I could go on, but bottom line is, I feel bad. Thank you. Please just support me for what I did and what I chose. Maybe it will be beautiful for my next baby. Some support would be nice...


No, actually, bottom line is, how am I going to overcome my guilt. It's no fair placing that responsibility on my body or on my next baby. I need to find a way to get through the guilt. Education sometimes works. I could inform people that it is not all roses for a lot of people. ... I have done this though, and gotten looks like, "You just didn't try hard enough." (Thats like telling your pre-walker, "Try harder!!")
Get over it is tough when there are two nursing mothers in front of you and your baby is sucking down icky formula.


What do you do to get over your guilt??

Starting backwards

I had the thoughts from the previous post floating around in my head for long enough. They came out and now my brain is socially ready introduce myself and my blog!

Hi.
Uh, I am first and foremost a dork, always have been, always will be. Even my 12 month old son looks at me funny.

This is ok for so many reasons... One: my husband loves me. Two: my son laughs at me. Three: I DO have friends. somewhere. out there. Four: my salvation is not based on dork-points. Five: I'm just glad to have that many reasons!



I never thought I would have a blog. I don't need one more thing to take my time up. I already spend far too much time on the computer and not enough time on housework. BUT, here I am. I have so many things floating around in my dork brain sometimes and www.facebook.com/april.barratt is just not the appropriate outlet for those thoughts. I don't care if people read them and really, people might not care if I write them! So, Blog, you are mine and I am yours. It's better than a paper journal where I go buy a journal and fancy writing pens and promptly loose where I put them in the stack on the table...